Apple launched iPhone 17, Pro, Pro Max & Air. Specs shine, prices climb, and fans line up. A witty roast of tech, hype, and wallets.
Potato to Pro in One Year
Congratulations, Apple fans! The iPhone 17 has landed. Your once “revolutionary” iPhone 16 is now officially downgraded to the status of a glorified potato. Don’t worry, though — Apple will sell you the same potato with a titanium skin, call it “Air,” and charge you ₹1,59,900. Because nothing screams “innovation” like a thinner frame and an extra shade of mist blue.
One-liner for the loyalists: If you skipped the gym this year, don’t worry. Apple has made your wallet lighter for you.
The Big Apple Event 2025
Apple hosted its biggest event of the year, where Tim Cook & team unveiled four new iPhones:
- iPhone Air (so thin you might mistake it for a papad)
- iPhone 17 (the “normal” one that still makes your kidneys sweat)
- iPhone 17 Pro (the one that convinces you you’re a filmmaker just because you shoot your dog in HDR)
- iPhone 17 Pro Max (the true “status symbol,” big enough to double as a dinner tray)
Apple called it “redefining the smartphone.” We call it “repackaging your EMIs.”
Authoritative Apple newsroom announcement.
What’s New? The “Air” in iPhone Air
The star of the show: iPhone Air — Apple’s thinnest iPhone ever at 5.6mm. That’s right, thinner than your willpower to resist another upgrade. It comes with a 6.5-inch Super Retina XDR display, 120Hz ProMotion, and a brightness level of 3000 nits — perfect for blinding your friends as you show them your new purchase.
It’s powered by the A19 Pro chip, Apple’s “most powerful chip yet” — the same phrase they’ve been repeating every year since the Stone Age. Along with this, it features a 48MP Fusion Camera system, titanium frame, and e-SIM-only design.
Battery life? Apple says “all day.” Translation: Enough to doom-scroll Twitter, shoot 4K videos of your cat, and still complain that it dies at 9 pm.
The Classic iPhone 17
The iPhone 17 is your “entry-level” luxury device. At ₹82,900 (256GB), it’s basically cheaper than a hatchback EMI… oh wait, no, it isn’t.
Specs-wise, you get:
- A 6.3-inch Super Retina XDR display
- 120Hz refresh rate
- A dual Fusion camera with 48MP wide and telephoto lenses
- A square 18MP front camera (because landscape selfies are now a thing)
Apple also threw in a new “Center Stage” feature for better video calls, so now you can look equally broke but crystal clear in HD.
Colors? Lavender, mist blue, black, white, and sage. Basically, enough shades to match your mood after seeing the bill.
iPhone 17 Pro: The “Filmmaker’s Toy”
At ₹1,34,900, the iPhone 17 Pro is for people who say, “I don’t need a DSLR, bro, my iPhone can shoot movies.”
Features include:
- A 6.3-inch Super Retina XDR with Always-On mode
- Ceramic Shield 2 (because Ceramic Shield 1 apparently wasn’t strong enough)
- Dolby Vision HDR, ProRes RAW, Apple Log 2
- A triple 48MP Pro camera setup with cinematic zoom
Runs on iOS 26 (yes, we’re that old now), introducing Apple Intelligence — live translation, offline AI models, and “enhanced communication tools” (read: Siri 2.0 still won’t understand your Indian accent).
Colors? Silver, cosmic orange, and deep blue. Because phones are the new fashion accessories.
iPhone 17 Pro Max: The Wallet Slayer
This is the flagship beast starting at ₹1,54,900 and maxing out at ₹1,74,900. It has the same features as the Pro but in a bigger, bolder, heavier package — like the Pro, but after a protein shake.
Why buy it? To flex. To feel superior. To take cinema-quality videos of your dog pooping at the park.
India Prices (aka Heart Attack Triggers)
- iPhone Air: ₹1,19,900 (256GB) → ₹1,59,900 (1TB)
- iPhone 17: ₹82,900 (256GB) → ₹1,02,900 (512GB)
- iPhone 17 Pro: ₹1,34,900 (256GB) → ₹1,74,900 (1TB)
- iPhone 17 Pro Max: Slightly higher, because why stop bleeding when the vein is open?
The Satire Bit: Why We Keep Buying
Apple has mastered the art of planned temptation. Every September, millions of us stand in line, clutching our current iPhone, which works perfectly fine, but suddenly feels “outdated.”
It’s not just about features — it’s the cult. The glowing Apple logo, the eco-friendly cardboard box, the carefully staged videos with orchestral music — they make you believe you’re buying a piece of the future.
Truth bomb: You’re buying better selfies and a lighter wallet.
But hey, at least it’s better than Android… right? (Let the comment wars begin.)
Apple doesn’t just sell iPhones; it sells the feeling that your life isn’t complete without another rectangle in your pocket.
Should You Upgrade?
- If you own an iPhone 15 or older: Maybe. The jump feels significant.
- If you own iPhone 16: Nope. Just update your wallpaper and tell people it’s the new model.
- If you own Android: You already stopped reading.
So there you have it — iPhone 17, Air, Pro, Pro Max. Thinner, shinier, pricier. Same old Apple, same old us. We’ll crib about the price, mock the hype, and still pre-order on Day 1.
What do you think? Planning to upgrade or planning to sell a kidney? Drop your thoughts, roast your own FOMO, and share this blog with your Apple-loving friends who need therapy more than a new phone.
If you enjoyed this satirical take, share it, save it, and stay tuned for our next roast: “Why Every iPhone is Basically Your Ex With a Better Haircut.”
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